beansandoranges

I love Edith Head

2011-12-22T17:08:00.006-05:00

If you know me, you know I have a hefty appreciation for old movies. If you know my family, you know we love musicals. And one family favorite musical is "White Christmas", the 1954 classic with Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye.

Every time I find myself watching these films - particularly "White Christmas" - I am struck, over and over again by the costumes. Here is one of my favorites: Rosemary Clooney in a deep green velvet cocktail dress (the picture doesn't do the color justice) --

And every time I look up a favorite costume, I always see the same name: Edith Head. The woman was a genius. She won 8 academy awards (though nominated 35 times). She was a french teacher who wanted a better paying job. She was a costume designer who couldn't draw when she started. She designed for Hitchcock films, and dressed everyone from Barbara Stanwyck to Audrey Hepburn to Grace Kelly to Paul Newman (in "The Sting"). She said, "Your dresses should be tight enough to show you're a woman and loose enough to show you're a lady." Well said. That's why I'll be asking for her book for Christmas - "How to dress for success." Teach me, Edith!

Here's another favorite: Grace Kelly in "Rear Window"

one of her sketches of this dress just sold at christie's for $12k.

ah, vacation!

2011-08-01T10:56:00.002-04:00

in vt for vacation. what shall i do? massage? river swim? art class? perhaps theater in a barn? sigh. must. let. go. of. computer.

For those of you who haven't heard.....

2011-02-13T18:52:00.002-05:00

tomorrow is my first official day on the job. yikes!!

San Francisco’s Performing Arts Workshop Names New Executive Director
December 9, 2010

San Francisco, CA, December 9, 2010— The Board of Directors of the Performing Arts Workshop has named Jessica Mele the organization’s new Executive Director. Mele, currently Deputy Director, will replace Tom DeCaigny, who has served in that role for the past eight years.

“I am honored that the Workshop’s Board of Directors has entrusted me to lead one of the nation’s premier arts education organizations,” said Mele, who first joined the workshop in 2006 as a member of the Program staff, “I firmly believe that after 45 years of excellence in direct service, we are just beginning to reach our full potential as a social change organization. I am thrilled to lead Performing Arts Workshop during this exciting period.”

read the full press release here

Has ANYONE seen the last episode of glee??!

2010-06-18T01:36:00.002-04:00

i love that the main characters sing a hokey Journey medley. And then their evil competing glee club performs the only rock ballad that could POSSIBLY be more ludicrously melodramatic: bohemian rhapsody by queen. all while a glee member is simultaneously giving birth. really. hilarious.

I'm a WRITER/PERFORMER

2010-03-18T13:39:00.004-04:00

I was recently reminded by my Aunt P that I haven't updated things on this blog lately. She asked, "Nothing new?"

ACTUALLY, a lot is new. Last fall, my bossy friend Ruthie invited (prodded) me to get involved in a female-driven sketch comedy/variety show here in sf. She was starting it with a group of female actors she'd met while performing for Pianofight Productions. They wanted their own show: written, directed and produced by women. Because we're really freaking funny.

So, in November 2009, Monday Night Foreplays began. I wrote for and performed (a little bit) in the December 2009 show. By Jan 2010, I was a producer, director, writer and actor - along with four other very talented, very smart, and very energetic women. It was a crazy month. Feb was crazier. March has been nuts.

Since Feb 15, every Monday night, we have been producing Monday Night Foreplays at Off-Market Theaters (965 Mission St., SF; between 6th St & Mary St). It's been a blast. And exhausting. And we're doing it all again in APRIL 2010.

I won't be performing in the April show (just producing, directing, and writing), but we've got a dynamite cast on board. And there are still 2 more chances to catch me on stage this month!!! The current show will run on Monday, March 22 and Monday, March 29. I hope you can make it! Buy tickets/learn more here: http://www.pianofight.com

Sigh. It's been fun. I really missed performing!

bigger and bigger

2009-10-19T12:30:00.002-04:00

i have these moments every month or so when the world and its opportunities feel so expansive that it almost hurts - so many directions to go, possible outcomes for every action and interaction. i can barely keep up. and it hurts to have to choose just one. i end up feeling paralyzed by the possibility, and anxious and scared about the choosing.

and that's when i usually end up bawling in the theater while watching "where the wild things are." that story, so much about another point of expansiveness, and the ending of the playful certainties of childhood, hurts a little. hurts in a sweet way, but still it hurts.

by the way,

2009-08-10T22:34:00.003-04:00

From 20s costumes

we ROCKED that speakeasy party.

people were asking to take our picture. seriously, it was fun. and i learned that d. has a secret nerdy love for dressing in costume. exxxxcellent.......

ps. those vintage badminton racquets earned their keep that night!

lovely afternoon!

2009-08-08T18:26:00.003-04:00

i just had the most delightful afternoon.

for starters, it's about 75 degrees and sunny in SF - a happy, cheerful anomaly. so, i put on my red dress.

This evening, d and i will be attending a speakeasy party. attire is 20's anything, so i have it planned out. we're going summery - like the hamptons in the great gatsby. i have vintage badminton rackets and last weekend found a navy straw cloche hat. just about everything is set. but today i really needed to find d a hat. i know, it's only a party. and most people have no idea that a fedora isn't period-appropriate. or that no one wears felt hats in the summertime. it's so wrong. but i have high standards where period costumes are concerned. and i was looking for a boater. one of those flat-top, straw hats worn by men in the early part of the 20th century on summer days.

i looked everywhere. second hand shops in the mission, costumes on haight, and about every vintage store in upper haight (which was clogged with tourists around the corner with ashbury). i found a bunch of boaters at la rosa, a classy vintage boutique on haight. but they were in peak condition, genuine, and running upward of $100.

i found some nice ones across the street at Decades of Fashion, priced around $100. i said thank you and prepared to search on. the store clerk called me back and said he could try searching in the back for a box of "beat up" boaters that might be less expensive (and do the trick for a one-time event!). no luck. he found one around $80. still too rich for my blood. as i was walking away, he called me back a second time with a helpful tip for vintage at goodwill (but that's a secret!). I thanked him, and sighed because all the affordable hats i'd seen weren't proper 20's period. "maybe i'm a little too exacting," i said. "No," he replied, "you're just trying to make it right."

how true!

so, i soldiered on. a couple doors down, on about my 10th store, i hit the jackpot. i walked into wasteland, a trendy vintage boutique that i was sure wouldn't have something so old and almost antiquey. but there, just within my reach in the menswear section, was an old boater with a brown ribbon, sitting on a hat stand. just a little bit of water damage on the brim, but it would do the trick. i almost ran over to it, and got nervous as i turned over the yellow pricetag. $18. EIGHTEEN DOLLARS!!!!! my feet had wings. i flew to the cash register and smiled like an idiot. there's nothing like finding exactly what you want, when you know exactly what you want.

i sauntered outside and down the street where a young man had set up an old smith-corona typewriter on a tray table. his sign said "pick a subject and a price and get a poem." so, for $5, he wrote me a poem about my new boater. then i bought an ice cream cone on my way home. how LOVELY.

"boater hat in wasteland" by lynn gentry

One mans trash can be found by a woman in a red dress
To be brought home to another man
The twenties were roaring
But all over now
Ned Cassell lived in his neighborhood in Castro since
The 1970s when he bought his house with his wife, Susan
They met while he was out writing about the counter culture in the
Forrest of Seattle
They had lived there for ten years when it became
evident that his dad Arthur would need to move in
Ned had always been close with his dad
and he could not bear the thought of leaving him in a home
He took him in till his dad died three years later
With the twenties still fresh in his mind
Now all that is left is Ned in Castro
and a Boater hat in Wasteland

myspace.com/lynngentry

from my creative writing class: 500 words of fiction i wrote....

2009-06-04T16:32:00.001-04:00

Lola looked down at her new shoes under the restaurant table, beneath the neatly folded napkin in her lap, over her knees itching through wool tights, down to her scuffed left toe. She had been stood up. How embarrassing.

The last time Lola had inspected her feet out of embarrassment, she had been “the new girl,” at a new school. She had been in second grade. The night before, she was so excited that she picked out her clothes and double-checked the contents of her lunchbox. Her brother had been so excited that he ran into the wall.

But school was lonely. If you don’t have a best friend by age 4 in a small town, you can safely call yourself a loser. When Lola took her cold wooden seat in Miss Lindsey’s second grade class, everyone who was anyone already had a BFF. The girls already knew which boys to chase, and everyone already knew what they were doing at recess the way some adults book their Saturday nights months in advance.

After lunch, Lola eyed the chilly playground: athletic girls chasing athletic boys; clumpy sandbox with two or three undesirables; shy but smart girls on the swings; dirty boys digging in the fudgy ground. Rules were posted by the door: NO running on pavement, NO pushing OR shoving, NO horseplay. Two steely-eyed middle aged women surveyed the yard for infractions. She touched her cold hands to warm cheeks, looked at her feet, and approached the shy smart girls first. Then the athletic girls; once the undesirables; almost once the dirty boys. Every recess for a week, Lola’s plan went like this:

Step 1: Make Contact. Awkwardly insert herself into a new group of second graders.
Step 2: Establish credibility. Talk about homework.
Step 3: Invest in the relationship. Hang out with them for 15 minutes. Conversation topics may include: homework (again), the weather, pets. Go with the flow, she reminded herself.
Step 4: Before the bell rings, seal the deal. “Do you want to be my friend?” She asked, urgently. Each time, her breath was a cloud of frosty desperation.

It was important to take them by surprise, she learned. When she finally popped the question, hardly anyone ever said “no,” more out of shock than real agreement. It was also important to keep moving. They might pick up and leave the swings, so she had to be fearless in her pursuit of friendship. Lola learned how to hang upside-down on the monkey bars, to climb to the top of Joe’s Rock and balance on one foot, to catch the boys careening around the yard. She bounced from group to group collecting verbal contracts for friendship the way all kids collect things that they value – greedily and without an eye for detail or long-term planning. Most of them were non-binding. You can ask someone to be your friend but you can’t make them play with you.

She learned that one the hard way, twice. You can plan a date with someone but you can’t make them show up, she thought. Or call to say they can’t make it. Or even freaking text to say that they’re lying in a ditch somewhere underneath something heavy, preventing them from getting to the restaurant, where you sit, like a loser, with your new shoes and your goody-goody lap napkin. Lola looked up. She touched her cold hands to warm cheeks, and moved toward the bar.

harlem children's zone

2009-05-08T15:23:00.002-04:00

there's an interesting op-ed int he nytimes by david brooks (yes, david brooks) about the harlem miracle, spearheaded by jeffrey canada, that is really changing a whole community for the better. http://community.nytimes.com/article/comments/2009/05/08/opinion/08brooks.html

i saw canada speak in sf 2 years ago and it was truly inspiring. but what struck me so much about his vision is exactly the kind of vision brooks distains as "paternalistic". the children's zone is just that - a zone. canada recognized that you couldn't fix sick kids in a sick community. you had to fix the community. parents attend "parent college", they send their kids to charter schools run by the zone, and their kids attend afterschool programs run by the zone. it's a huge enterprise - one that encompasses all aspects of the community. it's also hugely expensive. canada has raised millions to support the effort, and it takes millions on an annual basis to run.

brooks points to a study that touts the effectiveness of the zone's charter schools (middle through high), but the real crux of the program is its huge scope. it's an incredible model. and incredible show of one man and one community's will. brooks recommends that other cities follow. i agree that they should. but who is going to pay for it? and how does a project like harlem children's zone fare in a depressed economy?

i think that harlem children's zone is a model to follow, but i am careful to make such recommendations. there is a danger in the nonprofit model and the private/public parnterships that sometimes support nonprofits. a project like this can have incredible, long-term positive effects. how are we committed as a community to making sure that it continues to become an instituation?

bad gateway

2009-05-03T21:40:00.003-04:00

i got this error message in my browser...while shopping for shoes. "502: Bad Gateway."

"wow," i thought, "that's got to mean something." doesn't it?

from my current position of stasis, any gateway looks good. but a bad gateway? is there such a thing? och. i waste so much time looking for road signs of life that are just error messages.

my early existential crisis.

2009-04-11T12:48:00.006-04:00

i just started reading a book that i have resisted reading for over a year now. (everyone was reading it.)

Eat, Pray, Love, so i heard, was about a woman who goes to italy, india and indonesia.

HOW IRRITATING, i thought. some writer decided she wanted to go to three beautiful countries and got some publishing company to pay for it. how pretentious. how obnoxious. no. way.

But then, in March, i ran out of books. and i needed something to read before bed (i must have something to read before bed). So, i picked it up. The thing is, it's really good. It is. And it strangely mirrors a lot of the things i've been going through - the self-questioning, the fear, the ground shifting, the fear and the need for healing.

i could do a book review (but i'm not done yet...) but i'll just talk about one particular point. the author, elizabeth gilbert, talks about her "existential crisis" on her tenth birthday. when she realized that life was passing by so quickly she could hardly hold onto it. she had hit the double digits, and that meant that one day everyone she loved would die.

i had a moment like that when i was five. at least i think i was five. i remember lying in bed, unable to sleep. and sometimes i would play tricks on myself to get myself to sleep. count, think of something else. for some reason that night i started thinking of my family. and then i started to think about what would happen if they all died. all of them. (i was a reeeally melodramatic kid). it started with my brother. what if tim was dead? i thought of all the everyday ways he wouldn't be in my life. then i thought about my dad. dead. then the one that scared me the most - mom. dead. all gone.

and i felt what can only be described as blind panic - like when you've lost something so valuable to you that you start tearing your room apart looking for it. i went right down the family line. uncle mike, aunt prue. cousins. dead, dead, dead. grandparents (who maybe logically should have been first in this thought process) dead. gone. mom's side of the family. dad's side of the family. dead. dead.

and then i was crying uncontrollably. i worked myself into such a self-pitying fit of loneliness - at age five - that i was scared to go to sleep. until i snapped myself out of it. Wait. they're not dead. they're alive. and you're safe. at home. For now. so i went to sleep with a tear-streaked face and stuffed up nose that night, safe.

from that night forward, though, time seemed to go a little faster. summers flew by. and i was just setting myself up for a fall sometime in the future. and basing my sense of security on those who surround me in the present. knowing that they wouldn't always be there. and really fearing - because everything was so temporary. Now, if only a publishing company would pay me to go abroad and work all this out.....(how pretentious).

stuck. again.

2009-02-25T21:08:00.003-05:00

it's raining in san francisco and i'm feeling stuck. have been for a number of months, and the questioning continues. "sitting with the questions" is hard. it's frustrating. and quite frankly it's boring. and it's easy to look around and see everyone else's lives falling into place.

but "most of life's unhappiness comes from comparing yourself to others." right. have to remember that.

why do i feel like every choice is already past and every decision was the wrong one? i feel like all the answers are obscured to me until after i've made a decision. everything feels cloudy. in rainy san francisco.

Fund the NEA!

2009-02-06T14:42:00.002-05:00

There is a lot of talk in the media and in Washington about "wasteful spending" in the current economic stimulus plan. Republicans and op-eds have targeted the NEA as an example of such wasteful spending. They make allusions to the ballet, or gallery work, and argue that Americans need work, not art. I have news for them.

The arts ARE work for Americans. The arts ARE economic development. Here are some facts:

* There are more full-time jobs supported by the nonprofit arts than are in accounting, public safety officers, even lawyers and just slightly fewer than elementary school teachers.

* A $50 million investment to the National Endowment for the Arts will save 14,422 jobs from being lost in the U.S. economy. This is based on the ability of the NEA to leverage $7 in additional support through local, state and private donations, for every $1 in NEA support.

* There are approximately 100,000 nonprofit arts organizations, which spend $63.1 billion annually. Without an economic stimulus for the nonprofit arts industry, experts expect about 10% of these organizations (ranging from large arts institutions like museums and orchestras to small community-based organizations in suburban, urban and rural areas) to shut their doors in 2009 – a loss of 260,000 jobs.

Go to the Americans for the Arts website and voice your support for NEA funding.

torture on tv.

2009-01-16T00:13:00.003-05:00

i am so, so sick of seeing people tortured on television. I had had it with Jack Bauer a while ago for torturing captives in order to "stop terrorism" (which, by the way, is the OPPOSITE of what torture does).

In cop shows, the torturees are always women. They are almost always sexually abused/raped. They are often partially naked, and they often end up dead (except the one they save at the end).

These shows are lazy. Rather than putting resources into good writing, plots and characters, they throw a naked girl in a dirty room with chains and force the audience to watch as she is tortured, brutalized, or anticipates both while the heroes (strong men and sympathetic, emotionally tortured women) work on finding out where she is.

CSI (all of them), Law & Order (especially SVU), Crimial Minds, Without a Trace; they're all guilty of the worst kind of television - exploitative, sexist, and violent. For no reason.

"The Wire", an extremely violent and brilliant cable show had maybe one scene in all five seasons that matched the above description. They killed loads of characters. But each death had a reason; each instance moved the plot forward or developed the characters. "The Wire"'s writers didn't throw in a torture scene and call it a plot. Once a week. Every week. With new characters who disappear the next week. That's just lazy. And irresponsible.

jetblue still sucks.

2009-01-16T00:10:00.003-05:00

interesting comment on jetblue post. i saw those poor continental travelers stranded in bangor. they arrived about 8 hours after us, and did have to fend for themselves in bangor. and i'm grateful that jetblue put us up. but i'm pretty sure it was only because they were publicly shamed last summer after leaving passengers on the runway for hours.

let's face it. there is no "best thing out there." there's only getting there. and getting there for more money.

thing i learned today

2009-01-09T18:14:00.001-05:00

i love being active but i also love vacation. if i could live an active vacation and never work, i would be really happy. i think this is called "being retired and rich."

thing i learned 1/8/09

2009-01-09T18:13:00.003-05:00

i can get really cranky and nothing can pull me out of it. just have to wait it out.

thing i learned 1/7/09

2009-01-09T18:13:00.001-05:00

love my friends. my friends are awesome.

thing i learned over the holidays: JetBlue SUCKS.

2009-01-08T19:03:00.004-05:00

I had a major flight fiasco on my trip to the east coast from CA on Saturday, 12/20. Our flight was supposed to be direct to Boston. But the plane coming to pick us up from JFK didn't have enough fuel to "handle the headwinds," so it stopped in Salt Lake City on its way to Oakland. It was grounded there for weather, and we were 5 hours late departing CA.

But that was just the beginning....we arrived in the Boston area, which was just waking up from a snowstorm. They were plowing the runways...and we didn't have enough fuel to circle the Boston skies. So we landed in Bangor, ME.

On Sun 12/21 we were supposed to be spending time with D's family celebrating Christmas and seeing pageants. We missed it all. We spent all day locked in a "ghost terminal" (no stores, restaurants...not even a vending machine) in Bangor. Our flight crew had clocked out on their flying time. They needed to rest, and we needed a crew to fly up from NYC so we could get to Boston. But another storm hit the Northeast before we could get a flight crew. So we stayed in Bangor. Overnight.

Despite the gracious crew, the Pizza Hut pizza they provided (the only thing we ate all day), and a night in a hotel (courtesy of JetBlue, thank you), I'm still grumpy. We were late leaving Bangor the next day, and arrived in Boston a full 30 hours late.

I've never heard the "not enough fuel for the headwinds" excuse before, but figured it was a fluke. Then it happened again.

On my return flight to Oakland, CA from Boston, MA on 12/31, our flight needed to stop in Denver, CO to refuel. We arrived 3 hours late in Oakland. We got a $25 voucher for our trouble.

What bugs me is not so much the inconvenience of it all - missing Christmas with family, losing sleep and days of vacation. Not so much the inadequacy of $25 for this inconvenience. Not even the fact that we received $25 for a 3 hour delay and NOTHING for a 30 hour delay. None of this bugs me all that much.

What really bugs me is that I paid for two nonstop flights. I got two layovers (one of them reeeeeally long). If JetBlue can't supply planes to make it all the way across the country in one flight, then they shouldn't be selling nonstop tickets.

I have been a loyal JetBlue customer for 4 years. I told my family to fly JetBlue when they visit. I told my friends. Even when they quietly stopped flying direct SFO to Boston, I stuck with them. I went to Oakland.

My loyalty to JetBlue over the years has gotten me...well, nothing. Nothing. So, I might as well throw loyalty to the wind and fly whatever's cheaper. And that won't be JetBlue.

thing i learned today

2009-01-08T16:53:00.001-05:00

don't procrastinate the morning away because you work best in the morning and evening.

BTW

2009-01-08T12:52:00.001-05:00

i went home for the holidays. it was snowy.

From smiles

thing i learned today: embrace strangers

2009-01-07T21:45:00.002-05:00

or at least don't fear them quite so much....

thing i learned 1/6/09

2009-01-07T12:51:00.002-05:00

some kids respond really, really well to the countdown. "you have 5 seconds to get into your pjs.....5.....4......3.....2....1."

also, question: is 30 too old to be a babysitter?

also - i'm getting increasingly sensitive and weepy in my old age. when you're tearing up at Puff the Magic Dragon, you know things have changed.

also - one little thing said by someone else can throw me into a downward spiral of life reevaluation.

thing i learned 1/5/09

2009-01-07T12:50:00.002-05:00

even though kaiser is a healthcare organization and tells you to take the stairs, they hide the stairs in the middle of their buildings, among examination rooms and stethoscopes.

our pelapa....in yelapa

2009-01-04T12:35:00.003-05:00

From Yelapa Nov 08

my brother came to visit for t-giving. or, at least he intended to visit for t-giving. instead, he bought a non-refundable plane ticket for the week before t-giving.

So, d and i were free to plan a mini-vacation at the last minute. we went to yelapa, mexico.

From Yelapa Nov 08

We flew to Puerto Vallarta the day after t-giving, and then waded through yelling taxi drivers to grab a cab and then a water taxi south to the small fishing village of Yelapa. It was JUST what we needed. Yelapa is home to native indigenous people...and a number of american expats who live there part of the year.

From Yelapa Nov 08

our host was Isabel, an 82 year old expat who has lived in yelapa for 38 years. our pelapa was the best one she had (er- the only one available for the dates we needed!) and the highest up on the hillside. despite trading head colds, we really enjoyed ourselves - tasting ceviche, incredible fish tacos, daytripping to the marietta islands, and just hanging around. sigh. it was sooooo relaxing.

From Yelapa Nov 08

we were so sad to leave!

From Yelapa Nov 08

WHAT is my purpose?

2008-11-08T12:07:00.004-05:00

for the last 2 months, i've been doing a lot of questioning. of my fabulous relationship, job, and friendships. i don't know where it came from. i just know that the impulse to question - and sometimes to just move, act, or do something - is strong and deep. these are such big pieces of my life that you can't just move act or do something. but when you have such anxiety, the stress of questioning is overwhelming.

so, i started searching for answers to my questions - or even words to articulate these deep questions that i can't bring myself to voice. i spoke with friends, called my mom, talked to my boyfriend, went to a therapist, and went to an astrologer.

they all helped...but they didn't rid me of the doubt.

today, i remembered something that the astrologer told me: someone born under my kind of chart has a purpose. i have a purpose - a mission. and it sounds hokey, but i've always felt this. that i have a reason to be here. and i've been looking for it for a while. because i also like to act, accomplish and get things done. as she told me about my purpose, i felt overwhelmed. choked up as i listened.

and today i thought - what if what i'm searching for isn't a flaw in any of my pieces, but rather the purpose? it's so easy to assign doubt, blame or dearth to the pieces. but it's the whole that ties it all together. so what is the big picture? what is the big whole that i'm missing? is it my purpose? is it spiritual?

crap. i wish i knew. but i do feel like i'm one question closer....to another question....to another question....

It's a good day to be an American.

2008-11-05T13:17:00.006-05:00

Last night my stomach slowly untwisted after two years of campaigning to sit still, listen, watch, and soak it all in. What a beautiful moment. I watched Barack Obama's acceptance speech at a bar in SF (our third - the first two were packed). Everyone stood, everyone watched and everyone in that dirty sweaty metal bar listened to the president-elect.

He told us that we did this together. That together we make a beautiful country and that together we will work to build a beautiful future.

"He speaks like an angel!" Someone yelled at the bar.

That was the only interruption. I listened to his words and his story of my country and I felt for the first time in a long time that it was OUR country. that I shared it. That it wasn't a country I fought over with other people. That it was OURS. And I had that feeling that I used to get watching WWII documentaries. That choked-up feeling when you're proud, so proud to come from a place where anything is possible, and where people stand up for each other. I felt so, so proud to be an american. And I cried like a little kid.

But it wasn't the pride of the past; of the greatest generation or the good war. It was the pride of today. Of NOW. Because last night I heard our leader call us to do some work, and to do it together. Because a government by the people and for the people and of the people has not perished from this earth.

After the speech, we went out into the streets where drivers were honking, people were cheering and dancing and yelling. At valencia and 19th, and again at guerrero and 16th parties had literally started in the streets. People had grabbed pots and spoons from their kitchens and were using them for instruments. Someone was dressed in a tuxedo with red, white and blue lights all over him - he was dancing on top of a van. Some people were drumming. A band had set up on one curb. People were dancing and kissing and chanting and singing. It was the most joyous public celebration I've ever seen. I'll never forget it. here's a link to a vid a friend took of some patriotic celebration in sf: http://www.flickr.com/photos/obeyken/3005541567/in/photostream/

Just like I'll never forget that speech I heard in 2004 at the DNC in Boston. When now PRESIDENT-ELECT Obama brought the Fleet Center to its feet not on the power of his reputation, but the power of his shared vision for all of us.

Angry left? just hurt.

2008-09-23T14:05:00.004-04:00

I really am sick of the right driving this election by crying foul (read: "elitist") at the other side. it's not only divisive. it's wrong.

Yes I read the nytimes. But I don’t do it because I hate America or because I hate working people or the small town I grew up in. I do it because I care. Because I care about the world and its people and I want to know what’s going on. And I AM angry now. I’m angry because I just found out that half of the country personally hates me because they think they know who I am by how I vote, what computer I use and what kind of coffee I drink. How’s that for condescending?

sad today.

2008-09-12T14:45:00.002-04:00

this whole election thing has got me down in a way i hadn't anticipated. and since the "comments" sections for certain articles on the NYTimes website are full, i thought i'd list them here.

i'm saddened and a little scared by the vitriol i've seen on both sides of this election. voters, mostly. i lean left of center for sure, so i'm pretty familiar with the dem side of things - the anger and frustration of the bush years, when we've seen so much opportunity slip away - jobs, education, friends in the world.

but i'm starting to see now the real anger of those who lean right of center and it saddens me. it's all become so personal. "the other side is selfish, and condescending, and they hate me so i hate them." first of all, it's a sad sentiment to hear my fellow americans voice. second of all, anger at others seems a dangerous motivation for voting. i've always grown up thinking that we're all in this together. i think that most americans can say that their extended families contain both republicans and democrats.

this "themness" isn't us. it isn't what i love about my country. it's the opposite of what i love about my country. and it hurts to see that kind of anger driving an election. that is way i was so excited about obama. because he speaks differently. he speaks about us - all of us. not for us. not against us. but about us.

this election should be personal - but it should be about all of us and about all of our kids and grandkids. not about you vs. me and your kid vs. my kid. when did we become so judgemental and self-righteous as a nation? we're tearing ourselves apart and no one is doing anything about it.

Times a-changed.

2008-08-27T17:07:00.007-04:00

So, the DNC has come around again. And just 4 years ago I was zipping around Boston in my Vespa, attending cocktail parties and rallies and listening to great speakers full of optimism for a doomed election.

My mom and I were chatting on the phone today (the time difference kills me, I had to race around the office filing with one hand and typing with another, and trying to have a conversation with my mom at the same time). She remarked on how my life has changed so much in just 4 years. Me: "Yeah, I guess it has. Hunh."

folks from the office at our fundraiser in May

Seriously, it really has. I mean, in 4 years, my job, my home (my coast!), my circle of friends, my love life, my recreational activities; all of these things have changed so much in just 4 years. From 25 to 29. Big years. I guess they really were the years of becoming me...or at least the me that I am now.

You think you're an adult and things settle. But in retrospect, I guess nothing has ever been quite settled. Though the transitions tend to pick up a certain times. I don't think I'm due for a major life transition for a while, though. Right?

They're so good once you've got where you're going but getting where you're going is the hardest part.

my new apartment!

2008-06-11T11:07:00.004-04:00

i have finally moved into an aptmt of my very own! here are some pictures. it is me-sized (read: small). It is also WARM and SUNNY....and has a clawfoot tub!

living/bedroom!

For the last year, i have lived in roommate bliss with A., a friend from college. We had a great little spot next to dolores park; near tartine (french bakery) and bi-rite (pricey and lovely local food shop). It was also in a basement. The livingroom looked out onto a little garden, but the bedrooms were below street level. Which meant musty, cold, and slightly moldy.

kitchen cabinets!

When A. was placed in a medical residency in Sacramento, I decided (er...with the help of my professional coach), that it was time to find my own place.....in the same building as my boyfriend. Silly? Maybe. But for right now, this is really the perfect combination of independence and togetherness. D. lives downstairs and we each get to have our own space - while sharing blenders, vacuum cleaners, and netflix.

living/bedroom (from the kitchen)

So, here i am! The fifth living space in three years. I'm a happy camper. And really sick of moving.

that's right. i went SNOWCAMPING.

2008-04-10T16:43:00.002-04:00

it was me and the guys. me, d., and 4 other guys. i am so hard core.

actually, snow camping in california is not nearly as tough as it sounds. during the day, the sun was blindingly kind, the sky was clear and the temp was in the 50s. at night your boots froze solid. but d. made a lovely little home for us with a snow vestibule. and we created a cozy snow kitchen in which to sit and chat.

the snowshoeing was beautiful & a little rough. but the views were SO worth it.

planning, planning always planning

2008-01-02T21:23:00.000-05:00

well.....2007 is over. which means...it's time to create a new 5 year plan!

yes, believe it or not, during a frequent life freak out in 2002, i created a 5-year plan (probably at the urging of friend maddy, who is great at these things). here it is!

FIVE YEAR PLAN (and results)
(2002-2007)
1. Learn a new language
>> took spanish at harvard extension school. remembered little. but i did it!
2. Go back to school
>> got a master's in education (policy and management) in 2005
3. Move to the west coast
>> Done!
4. Visit a new continent (that i've never visited before)
>> this one, alas, i did NOT do. So, i think i'll have to push it to the next plan

FIVE YEAR PLAN
(2008-2013)
1. Visit a new continent
2. Write or blog every day
3. Audition for something
4. Re-certify scuba
5. ???

this one will have to be fine tuned soon. but i intend to add to it.

yikes. crazy. i think the 10 year will have to involve: buy a house, and get a dog

rose sexist cottage

2007-10-25T19:06:00.000-04:00

has anyone seen a commercial for this horrendous child's toy - called "Rose Petal Cottage" by Playskool?

it's disgusting - a little pastel-colored house, kid-sized. the commercial features a little girl and then someone narrating "a place that's all her own" and the camera shows her BAKING, doing LAUNDRY (there's a washer/dryer in this little girl's home) and ARRANGING FURNITURE.

it is unbelievable. boys get rockets for toys and girls get....little houses where they can cook for and clean up after others?! what YEAR is this?!?!?

I'M IN THE NY TIMES!!!!

2007-10-16T22:52:00.000-04:00

witness!!!! my letter to the editor!!!!!

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/15/opinion/l15dentist.html?_r=1&n=Top/Opinion/Editorials%20and%20Op-Ed/Letters&oref=slogin

two years....

2007-10-10T18:11:00.001-04:00

believe it or not, it's almost exactly two years since i started this little blog. sometimes i still walk around san francisco and have to remind myself that i live here. i live here.

and life is great - great job, great apartment, stellar friends and the best boyfriend.

but, sometimes i think that most of san francisco is looking for a parking spot. they're hard to come by here, and i've wasted more gas than i care to admit, and definitely more frustration than i would like, for spot for my car.

but i'm also looking for a PARKING spot. i mean, a place to root my life. and most people here are either looking or have given up. because, it's really hard to park in san francisco. it's expensive. and most decide to pick up and move elsewhere rather than search endlessly for a place to park.

life happens in cycles. and people cycle in and out of the bay area. just before i arrived, several leaders in my field - arts education - picked up and left the bay to root their families someplace else - some place more affordable, less beautiful, colder; more of a compromise. more like home. buffalo, ny. pittsburgh, pa. portland, or.

so i'm postponing the park. and i might end up circling the block indefinitely. but it does get tiring living in a place where everyone is resigned to a temporary life.

Excellent article

2007-09-30T14:45:00.000-04:00

if you all haven't read this thomas friedman article from 9/30, then you should. i don't usually love everything he writes. but this is excellent. besides, it starts with a quote from the Onion.

Op-Ed Columnist
9/11 Is Over
By THOMAS L. FRIEDMAN
Published: September 30, 2007
I honor and weep for those murdered on 9/11. But our reaction to 9/11 has knocked America completely out of balance, and it’s time to get things right again.
READ MORE

yosemite in the rain

2007-09-29T22:33:00.000-04:00

last weekend, d. and i took a trip back to yosemite. i haven't been back since we met almost a year ago on a backpacking trip (he was my trip leader. heheh). i was so excited to get out of the city, and to spend some time with nature...and with d, of course.

(the granite cliffs hid from us in the clouds most of the weekend)

after a ridiculously difficult drive out of san francisco (delayed by a car fire, then stuck in traffic), we arrived in yosemite valley (not the highlands), because......

It rained friday night, saturday and saturday night. which means it snowed in the backcountry (doug's favorite backpacking grounds). so, we laid low in the valley.

(yay backpacking!! er--between the car and the campsite)

and, lucky me, we splurged on a breakfast at the historic ahwanee hotel. beautiful - beams, structure (everything my dad always mentioned on our trips to historical buildings). the buffet was $20. we went for the a la carte.

fortified by some hot oatmeal and muffins, we set out.....to hang out amid german tourists, retirees and young families in the rainsoaked Yosemite Visitor's Center. It was a fun, low-key day. We ate, walked, chatted, and took a nap in our cozy tent.

(we saw a bear in a tree!!! can you see it?)

sunday, the clouds cleared and we went for a hike. it was beautiful - cool, moist, and the granite peaks were smoothed occasionally with the remaining clouds.

(i can....FINALLY see the sky!)

it was a vigorous hike. but, despite not having worked out regularly in a WHILE, i made it to the top of nevada falls! and the view was something else.

(the falls! the falls!)

on the way home, we chowed down at d'boni's (the same place we had eaten a year ago with our backpacking group. aw...). pizza with pineapple. yummmmmmmm......

argh! fall!

2007-09-18T13:48:00.000-04:00

first of all, i've been drowning in work this month. there is so much to do to get the school year programming up and going, that i really haven't been doing anything all too picture- or blog-worthy lately. as a result, i've been dwelling on a lot of the beautifulness from my vacation and trips this past summer.

(picture of the happy couple)
one of those trips includes a visit to the cape for d's parents' 50th wedding anniversary. it was held at the lighthouse inn, where they were married in 1957. it was lovely.

and apparently, my cleavage was out of control. my mom takes full responsibility for it.

(me, doug, and my breasts)

How to clambake

2007-09-05T21:10:00.000-04:00

Step 1: Build a fire on a pyre of rocks, let burn all day (note: rocks must not have been exposed to fire before - otherwise, they won't hold the heat well).

Step 2: After burning fire all day, rake the top so you can cook things on top of the hot rocks and ash.

Step 3: Quickly, place the following things on the pyre: Seaweed (followed by chicken wire) AND THEN.....

.....Lobsters, Clams, Onions, Corn

Step 4: Quickly, cover with 3 tarps and secure tarps with stones at base of pyre

Step 5: Wait (1/2 hour? not sure. but it has to be precise, whatever it is)

Step 6: Take off the tarps and unload the food!

Step 7: Eat! Enjoy!

well, first of all, priya got married...

2007-09-05T20:54:00.000-04:00

it's been a while since i posted and a number of things have changed:
1. i have moved into san francisco and into my new room!!! and apartment!!! I now live in the mission in sf - it's a GREAT neighborhood. come visit me.
2. i hired 2 new emloyees at work and have been training them, in addition to getting the school year programming off the ground for the fall. so, it's been hectic.
3. i just changed gyms. yay! all part of my Life Consolidation Plan.
4. i went home for a week and soaked up new england summer - ocean, pool, lake, and river. and had a smashing clambake. as well as a wedding in northampton!! of a dear friend from smith.
5. priya got married. a longtime friend of mine since 7th grade pace class, priya's grown up, become beautiful, and gotten married - in a beautiful hindu ceremony in colorado to the whitest non-indian i've ever met. they're a handsome couple and dorks at heart. i love them.
6. i went home again for doug's parents' 50th wedding anniversary, which was held at the same place they were married in 1957 - the Lighthouse Inn in West Dennis, MA (on the cape). it was so much fun!
7. On Marit's recommendation, i convinced some friends to float the truckee river in tahoe. lazy 3 hours on an inner tube, in the sun, with a few bottles of beer. it was heaven.
8. D shaved his head (!!!). I haven't seen it yet. hope it isn't hideous.

here are some pictures from the clambake, cuz i know you wanted to see them. seriously, the highlight of my summer.

steep ravine

2007-07-06T18:37:00.000-04:00

last weekend, d and i joined some friends at the steep ravine cabins just south of stinson beach. run by a state park, they're barebones cabins (table, counter, wood stove, and wooden pallets for beds. no running water), right on the water, near its own beach (with loads of starfish).

we hiked all over marin, up into the hills, down into stinson beach (for ice cream!) and then back down to our cabins for a deliciously grilled dinner. it was BEAUTIFUL and tranquil and perfect. here are some pictures!

Also - look, I'm famous!

2007-06-20T11:06:00.000-04:00

My friend Erin came for a visit last Friday. She's a popular food blogger based in LA (at least until she moves to NYC later this month), and I am proud to be featured on her post about a lovely meal we shared in sf!

I. Miss. SUMMER.

2007-06-20T10:58:00.000-04:00

seriously. san francisco is a beautiful place to live. but it is cold. not frigid, like winter in the northeast. just, always a little damp and chilly. the kind that gets into your bones. always between 50 and 70 degrees. which generally doesn't sound that bad.

except every year around the turning of each season, i get nostalgic for...the turning of the seasons. right now, it's summer. warm nights - evenings when the air is still warm (here, it gets chilly as soon as the sun goes down) and everyone is out and about, playing music and laughing on the sidewalks. i miss that.

and i miss swimming in the summer. up in sonoma, it gets nice and hot, and there are some lovely swimming holes. but here...i rarely feel the need. just the desire to go swimming like i did when i was a kid - barefoot all day, dripping hair drying in the sun, and never taking off your bathing suit.

so, i miss summer. in about a month i go back to massachusetts. let's hope i get some quality summer weather. and that i remember how to pack. last year i brought a wool sweater home in july. seriously.

henry coe state park

2007-06-01T16:06:00.000-04:00

(pic: walking w/ d. through tall grass at henry coe)

a few weekends ago, d. and i headed south to henry coe state park for a friend's b-day. she had planned a weekend-long birthday camping extravaganza. we went with two other friends for the day - hiked, walked about, and went swimming in a real swimming hole!! (i MISS those!!). here are some pictures from that day.

aside from being irrationally paranoid about poison oak (it was everywhere) and lyme's disease (ditto, ticks), it was a perfectly perfect day. full, long, and relaxing in the sun.
(pics: d+j swimming; d's see food. gross.)

Orcas 2007!!

2007-06-01T15:39:00.000-04:00

in what WILL be an annual tradition, maddy and i made a trip to orcas island (in the san juan islands) in april.
We stayed at the lovely north beach inn, more specifically in the cabin called "lala rook". their cabins are adorable, well-worn, bare-bones cottages with a bed/sitting room, bathroom, and kitchen for cooking meals. each cottage has its own beach and picnic area. it was so peaceful.

we hung out, read, napped on the beach, climbed a mountain, cooked gluten-free good food, and enjoyed some lovely naked hot tubs with strangers. it was my first relaxing weekend away in a long time, and i enjoyed every minute of it.

and, as usual, maddy time was good for my soul. darn, it sure felt good to see her! Orcas Island remains one of my favorite places on earth.

here are some cottage pics:

mountain climbing pics:

I don't believe it!

2007-04-25T20:01:00.000-04:00

literally a day after i posted a picture of an ugly dress with an accompanying rant about ugly dresses (see below), i found THIS on perezhilton.com (a fabulous celebrity gossip blog).

i STILL don't like it. and i STILL don't like most dresses i see these days.

But i DID break down and buy the jcrew shirdress so i have at least one cute summer dress to wear in the coming months. Hope it fits!

Ew, ew, EW!

2007-04-24T17:30:00.000-04:00

Is it me, or are ALL dresses this season really, really ugly? I honestly can't find one that I like. They all have one or more of the following characteristics:
1) no waist - babydoll style. Which is cute on Shirley Temple but makes anyone with a chest look mildly pregnant.
2) strapless - another nightmare for those of us who have curves. i don't want to spend all night unattractively hiking up my dress.
3) hideous patterns - i personally love color. i try to incorporate color into my wardrobe. what i do NOT try to do is wear something that causes vertigo. some of these patterns are just awful.
4) no color/bad color - again. i love color. but it seems like everything is a)grey b) eggplant, or c) some other unattractive color like mustard or olive green
5) no PETITES! an ongoing problem. dresses always cut me off strangely, and i am forced to tailor them.
6) synthetic fabric or jersey - it's impossible to find a dress in a quality fabric that is cut to flatter. which makes finding really nice, classy dresses a rarity.
7) pencil skirt - for those of us who are curvy or bottom heavy, this is a nightmare. i can only rarely find clothing that fits both my hips and my waist. I would love to find a skirt or dress that accentuates my waist and hides my hips. isn't this just common sense? does ANYONE want their hips front and center? didn't think so.

Four years ago, i found so many pretty dresses I didn't know what to do. I SHOULD have stocked up. Because now no matter where i look, i can't find a dress i like enough to buy. wedding season is coming up and, like it or not, i am unprepared!

walzwerk and why i haven't posted

2007-04-24T12:19:00.000-04:00

i've figured it out. i haven't posted because a) i don't have a secure wifi connection at home and b) i don't have wifi in my bed (which is apparently where i used to do most of my blogging). since i'm out and about most of the day, i haven't had the time. hopefully, that will all change this summer when i move into SF from Berkeley (finally!). I'm hoping life will be a lot easier.

In the meantime, i HAVE to tell you about my new favorite restaurant. It's called Walzwerk, and bills itself as San Francisco's premiere East German Restaurant. Not just German. East German. The people who work there are German. The food is German. The beer is German. And it's all laid back and appropriately spare. Though with some great kitschy touches from the soviet era. It's a laidback place for a nice night out with good beer and brats...and only a couple of hipsters.

What's more, it's literally in the middle of nowhere. no shops, no other restaurants, no office buildings. It sits in the middle of some dingy townhouses on South Van Ness - right near the Freeway. Which I guess is pretty appropriate for a restaurant whose logo is a smokestack.

AND i got to practice my german (or the pieces that i remember from my class in geneva years ago - "IST HIER PLATZ BEZETST?" (hey - they didn't teach us how to SPELL in german).

THIS is from saturday when doug and i went hiking at point reyes

2007-03-26T13:22:00.000-04:00

driving

in a tree

in the tree together

laughing in the tree

THIS is me during a visit from my parents a few weeks ago -

2007-03-26T13:19:00.000-04:00

we had great weather and so much fun!!!!

me&mom

mom&dad

me&dad

me&mom&dad&bridge

THIS is when doug & i went snowshoeing a few weeks ago

2007-03-26T13:18:00.000-04:00

(and before he got a haircut)

THIS is what my eyebrows look like!

2007-03-26T13:15:00.000-04:00

gee whiz! I have to update this thing since i just learned that you people actually read it!!!! so. here's an update. THIS is what my brows look like!!

eyebrows to die for.

2007-03-03T11:53:00.000-05:00

i haven't had my brows done in a while. after leaving cambridge, i've tried a few new salons, including the spa at my gym. but i just didn't feel like any of them were doing anything sooooo fantastic to my brows that i couldn't live without them.

so i grew my brows all shaggy and natural. then i drove by a sign that said "eyebrows to die for" on van ness ave. in sf. and i kept driving by it. and i thought to myself "well, ok." so i tried it.

Kim Jones runs this itty bitty spa-like place in San Francisco. The waiting room is small, but comfortable, with tea, water, and chocolate covered toffees to keep you busy. And she really does work to shape your brows to your face. Rather than just waxing around to "clean them up", she actually shapes your brows.

the price is a little high - ranging from $23 to $45 for brows. Mine were $33 - cash or check only. but if you're looking for a nice look, this is the place to get it.

I keep looking archly in mirrors everytime i pass one. my brows are fabulous. would i DIE for them? probably not. but they look damn fine.

st. v.

2007-02-16T17:42:00.000-05:00

From jess and me

i usually hate this holiday. but this year i looked at it as a time to tell all the people i love that I LOVE THEM. so i made some valentines and a few phone calls and some emails.

and i cooked dinner for doug. Some anchovy pasta dish from the naked chef that proved far too salty for my taste. but it's the thought that counts, right?!

when i first started dating doug, i was talking to my friend miriam on the phone. and she interrupted me at one point in our conversation and said, "It's so good to hear you talk so positively about a relationship."

oh, man. i didn't realize that i had been such a bummer when it came to relationships. one really tough year and a lot of time on my own - it's all been great for my sense of self and my sense of myself in relationships (make sense?). but she's right. i've never really talked positively about a relationship. or unqualified-ly positively. so, hooray for doug!

From jess and me

also, i got to wear my fabulous red velvet vintage dress. yay dress!

boo hoo.

2007-02-12T18:40:00.000-05:00

i just tried to call my former cell phone company to cancel my contract and, man, do i feel bad. i know, i'm too sensitive. but each customer service person's voice quivered just a little - i started to think that they'd get fired if they processed my cancellation. gee whiz. it's nothing personal. i just want better coverage in my house.

cell phones and oatmeal.

2007-02-07T12:19:00.000-05:00

yesterday i sent out an email telling everyone i know and love that i have a new cell phone number - a 415 areacode (san francisco). i don't think i was prepared for the response. everything from "i guess you're a real californian now" to "i'm dismayed and sad". gee whiz. i didn't realize this was such a big deal.

i've had my 617 number for 4 years now. and we've been through a lot together. but it just seemed time for a change. i live here, i work here, and if i'm calling schools for work, i can't ask them to call me back in boston. besides, if this were way back pre-cell phone days, i'd have to change my phone number anyway.

also - this morning i found myself talking to my breakfast. i said "hello, oatmeal. i love you."

"i love you too, jess," oatmeal (i) said in response.

i might be losing it.

supabowl

2007-02-05T14:55:00.000-05:00

ever notice how EVERYONE either attends or throws a superbowl party? even if they didn't watch a football game all season. even if they don't know when the season is. even if they don't understand the game. everyone participates.

even people who, in high school, couldn't have cared less about the superbowl. the artsy hipster kids; the nerdy science geeks; me.

for some reason, when you get older, the superbowl is a great reason to get people together. and when you're older and you have jobs, and you have homes and even have kids and spouses, you need a reason to get together. you don't live near each other. you don't see each other socially unless someone makes it happen.

so you all get together on a couch in front of the tv and eat and laugh and yell and watch commercials. even if you don't care about the game. you enjoy the company.

[i, however, cared about the game. damn evil arrogant peyton manning!]

my dad has to have hip surgery.

2007-02-02T19:59:00.000-05:00

mom says he's done a lot of research and thinks he's eligible for the Birmingham Hip.

I wonder if there are other Hips named after other cities. Seems like the Burlington Hip would be more appropriate. or at least the Boston hip. Or a hipper hip. Like the Parisian Hip.

Just an idea.

friends, friends, friends!

2007-01-30T20:30:00.000-05:00

From maddysarahanna

a few weekends ago, i had my first FRIEND visitors! maddy, sarah and sarah's girlfriend anna came down from seattle and portland, or to spend some time in sf. the sunshine nearly killed them.

From maddysarahanna

here are some pictures of our time - included some hiking, walking around an old industrial waste dump/artist squatting ground in Albany, CA, and eating lots of gluten-free goodies.

it was just about the coldest time in bay area history, but the sun warmed us and we were cozy in my berkeley home. amazing how friends can turn "goddamn it's cold" into "gee, it's pretty cold, hunh?" everything seems less annoying.

here's doug. but i want to talk about 24.

2007-01-23T21:15:00.000-05:00

From doug

so. i tuned in to 24 for the first time in AGES (who does a season premiere in JANUARY?). and what did i see? someone getting tortured. for a change.

i'll admit, it was an exciting shocker to see a) a nuclear bomb explode in L.A. (finally) b) that evil skinner from ER is actually jack bauer's BROTHER (whoa), and c) that the woman who used to play lois on general hospital is getting some acting work as jack's sister-in-law and.....mother of his child? (obviously)

HOWEVER. is ANYONE ELSE sick of seeing torture on 24? either jack bauer getting tortured or jack bauer torturing someone. it simply isn't shocking anymore. and it's getting boring.

i almost wanted to change the channel.

[torturer] "i need information"
[torturee] "i don't know anything"
[torturer] "well, how about if i do THIS!" (tortures)
[torturee] "ow! ow! i still don't know anything"
[torturer] "how about NOW!" (tortures)
[torturee] "ow! ugh. NO!"
[torturer] "and NOW?!" (tortures)

etc. you can see where this is going. the end result might (if torturee is a bad guy) or might not (if he's a good guy) lead to information. the underlying message is that torture leads to information and is ok because it saves lives.

and on a number of political and ethical levels i really disagree with that.

even though it was kind of exciting to watch the first time.

but not the 10th time.

knock it off, jack bauer. we get it. you need information. but do we really need to see all that? (again?)

what was chrismas like in boston?

2007-01-10T18:43:00.000-05:00

not snowy, that's for sure.
here are some photos of life on the big day, at home with my family. i guess this is just my bro, who received a throwback doug flutie NE patriots jersey - killer. one of my big presents was....a digital camera! so, i will be posting again. hooray!!!!!! these are xmas photos.........

From xmas 06

friend photos.......(the gang from KPHS - leia, shaun, marit, and jane!)..........

From xmas 06

AND.......

BIRTHDAY PHOTOS!!!!!!! from my birthday in vermont. (notice the crown)

From bday in vt 06

it was a lovely visit. and i miss it already. but i miss the snow even more.......there are even some reports of flurries in....SAN FRANCISCO. seriously. people here are freaking out. and i am walking around with a smile on my face!

oh, blog. i am avoiding you....

2006-12-12T21:18:00.000-05:00

why? why am i avoiding my blog? several reasons:

1. i don't have a digital camera anymore, and so i'm just not jazzed about posting words. which is odd. i love words. maybe i just need visual inspiration.

2. i spend enough time in front of a computer, i'm not psyched about spending more.

3. there's so much to write that i don't know where to start.

4. i'm a different person now than i was when i started this blog.

maybe the last one is the biggest reason. the other night i had a conversation with my ex boyfriend for the first time in 3 years. and it was good. actually, i insisted on a conversation. it seemed arbitrary and stupid not to talk. might as well get it over with. and it was fine. and i realized that i'm a very different me now than when i was with him. and i like who i am.

this past year has been kind of a blur, and the whole time i kept my knuckles clenched and eyes closed waiting for it all to slow down. and then it all slowed down without me ever noticing. so i'll keep you all at home informed of what's going on out here. but i don't feel the urgency. because i don't feel as alone out here as i used to. i don't feel like this blog is a voice to my only friends. i made new friends. and a new community. as a result, i don't have to blog about my life. i can tell people about my life.

which is always much more fun, if you're looking for a human reaction to, say, a date-carcrash-date night.

soon, hopefully, i'll have pictures of doug, my extremely tall...boyfriend? yikes. i guess that's what people are saying. anyway, he's GREAT. he's the BEST, in fact.

and just a few months ago i was so sure that i didn't want to be in a relationship....oops.

thanks for my brother

2006-11-27T12:48:00.000-05:00

the last time i dropped my brother off at the airport, i drove away in tears, feeling so alone. and so scared to start over.

when i dropped him off on saturday morning, i felt content, happy, and excited to get back to my life as usual.

what a difference a year makes.

tim flew in the sunday before thanksgiving, fresh off the closing night of his play in NYC (of course, he got rave reviews). i picked him up in Oakland, and found him huddled under a hoodie and fleece jacket and avaitor glasses. he looked like the unabomber. i was wearing jeans, a t-shirt and flip flops. "hey," i said, "why are you wearing all that?" "it was cold when i left." he said sheepishly.

he was a little zonked from the play/trip, so we went to get some comfort food, brunch at the homemade cafe in berkeley - i highly reccommend it. a hometown place with lots of families and young folks on the weekend. then he slept for about 4 hours. until i woke him up. we saw "the science of sleep" at the parkway (pizza, beer and couches - perfect). before the movie started, they showed a loony tunes reel, and tim leaned over to me and said "i'm so happy i'm here!".

for the next three days, i had to work and he was on his own. i gave him a copy of my lonely planet (my bible since arriving in california - it is THE authority on where to go and how to get there), and he was off. talking to people, taking walking tours, asking where to go, what to do, and exploring san francisco. in the evenings, we met up for dinner (sushi zone on market - easily the best sushi i've ever had. but get there early - 5pm). and even had time to see another movie (casino royale. love me some bond.) and sing some karaoke (tim performed a unique version of 'holiday' by madonna, improvising his own dance moves...and tune...and melody).

on the morning of thanksgiving i made monkey bread and watched (hurrah!) the MACY'S THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE - only one of my favorite traditions of all time. then tim and i took advantage of the glorious weather to drive up to stinson beach. clear blue skies, families having their turkey on the beach, kids running around half naked in the sun and siblings, spouses and parents playing soccer and football in the sand. it was beautiful.

thanksgiving meal we spent with by-now-old-friends, the powell-baldridges, where i lived for 6 mos when i first moved here. it was great - a real friend thanksgiving. and then we went to another friend thanksgiving - lynn and allison were having a random assortment of friends over. and even got us all to play a new version of charades. i haven't laughed so hard since.....i saw borat. the meles kicked ass, i must say. it was pretty funny. also - i made 2 pies and they were hits! i even got applause (not surprising for theater people, but still impressive).

friday we spent all around san francisco and in the evening played more charades and ate more with my friend adam and his family. whew. what a week. and if only i had a camera, i would have had pictures of it all.

but, alas! you'll have to rely on my engaging prose.

i remember moving here and thinking "dear god, i wish time would just go by faster. i wish i had already been here a year, that i was settled, that i didn't feel so alone and disoriented."

i'm still not sure if i'll ever feel sufficiently settled in life. but what a difference a year makes.

so...i'm dating someone. and he's reeeeally tall.

2006-11-14T22:34:00.000-05:00

From hikesouthofhere

i'll post more later. but here's a really dim picture in which you can see little more than the height differential.

i sent this to my parents with the subject "Lopsided Couple". they were really irritated that they couldn't see anything else. but what can i do? with no camera of my own, i'm stuck with second hand photos!

also - please check out this painful video from the folks at bank of america. a friend brilliantly compared this to the british version of "the office." very apt. note: you *will* cringe. http://theshermanfoundation.blogspot.com/2006/11/one-bank.html

PHEW! now what?

2006-11-09T13:48:00.000-05:00

I think others have already said all there is to say about the Dems re-taking the house (and - please, please? - the Senate). But thought I'd add my "hurrah!" and then my......ugh....YIKES.

Here's hoping they can live up to all the pent-up frustration and promises of the past 6 years. Now that they have some power, let's see what they do with it.

Though i can't smile more when i think about Deval Patrick's win as Governor of Massachusetts. My town went red (boo!!!) but it's good to have a dem back on beacon hill. Actually, it's good to have a GOOD dem back on beacon hill. I really like this guy.

photo of me laughing.

2006-11-09T13:41:00.000-05:00

mom really wanted me to change my profile picture. so, instead of the innocent smile of my harvard id, taken almost five (!!) years ago, you have this one. of me laughing in bree's apartment in october. gosh, my hair is long. but i guess this one is a lot more characteristic de moi.

mass cali

2006-10-24T16:37:00.000-04:00

i was at the dmv yesterday getting my ca license. as i walked in to take a seat, a young woman was crouched over the license application with her current license, which looked just like mine - from massachusetts.

obviously, i got excited (it doesn't take much), and blurted out - "did you move here from massachusetts? me too!"

without looking up or missing a beat, she said "hasn't everyone?"

she's right, you know. you can't spit in this town without hitting an expat masshole.

i passed the written driver's exam. the second time.

funny.

2006-10-20T22:27:00.000-04:00

today i was driving to work behind a motorcyclist. on the back of his backpack was a note that said "ERIK REESE RIDES A GIRLY BIKE."

i'm not sure if he knew about the note or not.

N-Y-C!

2006-10-18T18:36:00.000-04:00

hey gang. just spent a crazy and wonderful (crazy/beautiful) weekend in nyc visiting family and lots and lots of friends.

i flew in on friday and spent most of the time with mom, dad (in town for tim's birthday) and tim. we were on a neverending quest for the best family photo for our christmas card. seriously. i think we got one on my friend liz's house in brooklyn. phew.

we also spent a lot of time repeating the same conversation over and over again. a typical mele conversation went like this:
[in our hotel room]
dad: "where should i put all this stuff?"
me: "there's a safe in the closet."
dad: "there's a safe?"
me: "there's a safe in the closet."
mom: "there's a safe in the closet?"
me: "yes, there's a safe in the closet."
dad: "i guess i'll put it in the closet."
mom: "where are you going to put it?"
dad: "in the safe in the closet."
me: "you guys are driving me crazy."
dad: "hunh?"
me: "..."
dad: "did you say something?"

otherwise, it was WONDERFUL. i saw so many people i love. and they tried to convince me to move to the east coast...even though they live in the same city and never see each other. here are some pictures taken at bree's aptmt on saturday night. we were enthralled with the latest alumni quarterly...featuring pictures of erin's wedding (from last year). we talked about the usual - getting old, sexual politics, relationships. geez. it was a pretty heavy conversation.

that was saturday. also saw some geneva people (amy and liz) during a fabulous 3 hour brunch at essex. $15 and you get 3 drinks (i had 1 bloody mary and two mimosas - and they don't skimp on the drinks there, i'll tell you that!).

all in all, it was lovely. and wonderful. and it also felt pretty good to come back to the west coast. where it's warm, sunny, and i don't have to wear a coat.

(did i just write that? who am i?)

CLOGGERS!

2006-10-10T14:13:00.000-04:00

Well. i had quite a weekend. full of lovely things like dates and live music and good friends and comedy and art and the new york times. if you want the unabridged version or we haven't talked in a while (you know who you are!), give me a call. i miss you.

in this post, i'm concentrating on the cloggers. the first time i heard about clogging - the act of kind of hick-tap-dancing when filled with the holy spirit - i thought it sounded like a ridiculous hick thing to do. "god and dancing and hillbillies? hilarious!"

but on saturday, i fell in love with the barbary coast cloggers - 12 gentlemen from sf who have been "clogging to a different fiddler for 25 years." they performed at the free hardly strictly bluegrass festival in golden gate park this weekend (also featuring elvis costello, billy bragg, gillian welch, steve earle and much more).

maybe it stems from my early education in musical theater. or maybe it's just the mele love of dance, or maybe it was because these guys just looked like they were having SUCH A GOOD TIME clogging their little hearts out. without any inhibitions. whatever it was, they were on fire! i so enjoyed their performance. yay clogging! i hear they offer classes......

waitaminute.

2006-10-06T11:32:00.000-04:00

Ok, gang. Some of y'all have been watching the circus around Congressman Mark Foley (who is a Republican, contrary to Fox News' sly assertions). I know I have been. But I'm getting angry about it.

Not because the Dems seem to be using this as another platform on which to stand and throw little pebbles at the giant Republican political machine.

Not because I think the news is filled with other things more important to cover - wars (not just in iraq), genocide, starvation.

Not because I think lawmakers of all stripes should be working on more pressing issues in this country - healthcare, social security, stagnation of wages.

Although all of that is true.

What really, really makes me angry is that no one is calling this case exactly what it is: SEXUAL HARRASSMENT. It is not a case of pedophilia - at least, not as much as some would have us think. This was a 16 year old, not a 5 year old.

It is clearly not just a case of alcohol abuse - does anyone actually buy that?

This is a case where someone with significant amounts of power intimidated someone with no power. This is a case where someone with power made repeated, unwanted advances to someone else in the workplace. These advances made that person uncomfortable, and he could do nothing to stop it...except maybe ask his sponsoring congressperson to speak to someone.

This is textbook sexual harrassment. And the page's age and position only add to his sense of powerlessness.

Why is no one talking about this? Is it because we assume that a sexual harrassment case has to have a loose woman at one end and a Clinton at the other? Even this is different - we're talking about *unwanted* advances, albeit via text and email, but still unwanted and repeated. Is it because we really don't understand the term? Three things need to exist for sexual harrassment to exist: a power differential, repeated, unwanted sexual advances and the victim's continued sense of discomfort in the workplace as a result of said advances. All three apply in this case.

Is it because we can't get past the page's age? 16 is not a child, but definitely not an adult. What is the difference between crying "pedophile" in the case of a young child versus that of a teenager? We need to examine these questions before we take the conversation in a direction that is comfortable for most people because it is disgusting to most people. Pedophile: disgusting, sick, end of story. It is no one's fault but the pedophile's and everyone feels sorry and vows never to let it happen again.

But that isn't the end of the story. The fact is that Foley used his power and took advantage of his position to exploit someone significantly younger; someone without the resources or clout to stop him. Word is going around that pages were warned about Foley - "This guy's a little too friendly, be careful." This type of character and corresponding attitude by managment is tolerated by women in the workplace every day.

Why is this story different? Because a) the advances were homosexual and b) the victim was a young boy. This fact touches on underlying fears about gay people in this country - strong, persistent fears that equate Foley's homosexuality with pedophilia. This is a scary mistake.

I'm worried about the direction of this country. But I think I'm also equally worried about these underlying, ugly fears. They are uttered as truths in this country and surface when a story like this breaks. Women get harrassed, but should learn to deal with it; homosexuals are more prone to pedophilia; power doesn't exist in the modern american workplace.

what the hell is fleet week?

2006-10-05T17:25:00.000-04:00

whatever it is, it's here. this weekend. the navy descends on san francisco. literally. the blue angels are in town, and red bull is hot on their heels. i guess every year during one weekend (misleadingly, it is not a week), the blue angels do their air show over sf - mostly near my office, here at fort mason and around marina green. i guess they usually fly really close to the city, breaking the sound barrier. word on the street is that some lady had a heart attack a few years ago as a result.

red bull is doing a promotional thing near the show, and as a result have blocked up 2 whole parking lots of free parking near my office. monumental headache.

but the planes are cool. (ooh, planes!) it's kind of that evil g.i. joe instinct that i think most people of a certain age have - regardless of their political orientation or pacifist/green leanings. i always thought the blue angels were cool (remember, when i thought that we were the good guys? we used to be the good guys).

So today they're practicing. right over our building. and we're trying to have a staff meeting with these jets screaming overhead, breaking barriers and deafening our staff. still, it's kinda cool.

gosh, i can't believe i forgot!

2006-10-03T21:21:00.000-04:00

to write about my good, good weekend. on friday i had dinner with erin s. and jon, up from l.a. erin is just the best - one of my best friends from college, and a genuinely good, beautiful, smart woman. and a foodie. (you may have seen her blog, perhaps? 'erin's kitchen'? check it out.)

i am always in good foodie hands with erin. we ate at a place in downtown sf called bar crudo. raw fish, kind of italian/california style. delish. shellfish and mussels and oysters on the halfshell and chunks of tuna and it was all just flavorful and delicious. and we had a bottle of wine. and then i went to one of heinzelman's karaoke nights. and on saturday i was HUNG OVER. for the first time in a long time.

this always happens when i'm hung over. i wake up thinking "what is this awful feeling? why do i feel HORRIBLE?!" and then i realize. i'm hung over.

but i had a lovely day looking at kites at the berkeley marina. just delightful. the weather is always so freaking delightful here. tomorrow they predict rain. let's see if it'll actually happen. don't worry, the sun always comes out in the end. this is california, after all.

and i laughed and laughed....

2006-09-27T12:50:00.001-04:00

monday night i laughed more than i've laughed in a very long time. because monday night i went to 'get mortified' at the makeout room (a bar in sf). mortified is a show in many major (coastal) cities where individuals read from their adolescent diaries. you have to audition to get in, and they choose only the choicest material. my friend marta's sister was performing. the lineup included the following:

1. a broken hearted 17 year old and her first meaningless fling.
2. a nerdy 8th grader's aggressive 7-day plan to get aaron rosenberg to like her.
3. a stalker/16 year old boy who buys a mini camera to secretly photograph the object of his affection.
4. a reclusive poet who writes bizarre odes to the woods (animals, trees, etc.) in rhyming verse.
5. a really angry korean teenager in texas and her first acid trip.
6. a cheerleader from ohio and her romance with the football coach (ending in a football-themed rhyming poem for the broken hearted).
7. marta's sister, and her letter to herself in the future (written when she was in 8th grade) - "Dear Me,...what i most want to ask, what i really want to know, is are you still ME, ME?"

am i forgetting one? i might be. they were all hilarious. and the BEST part about the whole night was the combination of friends (new/old/different friend groups) who were there. and *i* didn't even facilitate their hanging out together. who knew? just one year after moving here, who knew that i would a) have friends and b) have more than two friends and c) that they would hang out together?! oh, and d) that they would all be such cool people? seriously, they're great.

shame!

2006-09-25T14:15:00.000-04:00

i am shocked, shocked at the lack of sympathy i received from all of y'all last week. my toe hurt. now, where's the love?

saw ben kweller last night at the fillmore. ben kweller is the best. if you haven't heard him yet, check him out. fun, poppy music with a rock edge. even if you don't know the songs, i guarantee you'll like them. so much fun to see live, too. they even did an impromptu cover of "enter sandman" (they started the guitar riff to "back in black" but then couldn't remember the rest of the song). it was hilarious.

i went with tracy, tracy's 13-year old daughter caitlin, and caitlin's 13-year old friend fay. it was really fun. i absolutely dont' remember going to concert halls when i was 13 - with or without my mom. i also don't remember having cool music taste (um...showtunes and oldies don't count....right?). but caitlin and fay knew most of the words to most of the songs (about the same as me). i had to provide the chutzpah, though. when the show started, i was the one who led us through the crowd up to the front. at the end of the show, when ben was signing merchandise, i had to lead them to the front of the signing table (elbowing my way past several fans), talk to the talent, and take a picture of the two of them with ben. but, it was fun. and in the end i got a nifty poster.

cars.

2006-09-24T17:55:00.000-04:00

on friday, the following scene took place while i was sitting (at a red light) in my car with the windows down.

i was, as usual, late to an appointment and trying to do three other things while behind the wheel (check my phone messages, look for my wallet and drink from my water bottle). as i was bent over my bag, i heard someone talking to me from outside of my car.

me: (looking out my window to the left) "whaaaaaa---?"

guy driving a pickup truck next to my car: (pointing at the sticker on my rear windshield) "i'd like to buy a smith college alumn a drink!"

me: "oh. um........(high-pitched nervours voice) not while i'm driving, (nervous laughter) AHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA."
(pretend to be looking for something in my bag)

guy: "so......what do you do these days?"

me (still stopped at the bloody red light): "oh. um...i work at fort mason."

light changes. i speed off.

it was really strange. and kind of brightened my day. but also kind of freaked me out. this kind of stuff never happens to me.

ow! my toe!

2006-09-22T13:20:00.000-04:00

yesterday i stubbed my toe. seriously stubbed it. i was walking in flip flops on the sidewalk, and slammed my big toe into a slab of sidewalk concrete that was slightly raised above the others. and it HURT. reminding me that stubbed toes are one of my least favorite things on earth. when i was a kid, i used to stub them all the time - in the summer when i walked barefoot EVERYWHERE even on hot blacktop. and always stubbed my toes in the parking lot at our swim club. so last night i limped home and whimpered to my roommates while i swaddled my toe in ice and watched 'grey's anatomy' (who writes that crap, anyway?). ouch.

Work, work, work.

2006-09-21T12:23:00.000-04:00

i keep having dreams about work. it's crazy. i mean, i recognize that getting all the arts residencies at sf schools up and running this fall is frustrating - it requires a lot of back and forth between our office and artists, as well as our office and school officials (teachers and adminstrators). imagine a world where no one is easily accessible via email or phone because they're teaching all day.

i just had no idea that it would start invading my sleep. two nights ago, i dreamed that a residency we've been having trouble establishing (due to classroom scheduling issues) miraculously worked out fine (happy dream. until i woke up and realized that everything was still a mess). last night i dreamed that a friend of mine from high school had started working with elderly people doing arts residencies and my organization (which was actually my old office at harvard, with the old executive director) co-opted her program and took over the residencies without my knowledge. (anxious/conflicted dream. until i woke up and realized that it was a dream).

i think the bottom line is that i feel like i have too little control at work - everything depends on someone else's decision, or someone else's response. That's just the nature of the work. but it's starting to get to me.

sunRISE lakes (not sunSET. still beautiful.)

2006-09-20T21:09:00.000-04:00

as we were folding ourselves into "happy baby pose" (on our backs with our bent legs in the air, holding onto the soles of our feet), our yoga instructor said, "i always think of this pose as the main reason why naked yoga is wrong."

i think she's right, you know.

yoga pics and things in my head

2006-09-19T12:54:00.000-04:00

here's one pic from the yoga in yosemite trip i went on from 9/8-10. as you can see, a beautiful setting for yoga (just like in the calendars).

so...some of you know that i have recently been doing rideshare - which is a bay area term for casual carpooling. At certain points around the east bay, people line up (usually in front of BART stations) and pile 2 at a time into stranger's cars to take them across the bridge into san francisco. since the carpool requirement here is 3 people/car, this helps everyone get into the city faster via the carpool lane, and we all save some money - the driver saves on the $3 toll, and the passenger saves on the $3-odd it costs to take bart to the city from the east bay.

i've been a passenger at rideshare, but since it takes me forever to get to work on public transport, i've recently become a rideshare driver. i pick up strangers in my car and drive them into the city. sometimes we chat. sometimes i turn up npr and we all sit in silence, sometimes we listen to the president's press conferences and share mortified guffaws and comments.

This morning, as a passenger was getting into my car, i heard this strange ringing. I looked around "what is that? is that you, or is it me?" turns out, the guy next to me in the passenger side had a hearing aid, and i think my fastrak (or fastlane) transponder was setting it off. i apologized, removed the transponder from its place on the dash, and smiled. he apologized for not being a very good conversationalist. "no, no" i said too loudly, as people do when they talk to the hearing impaired. "i usually listen to the radio, anyway," (pointing dramatically to the radio).

we drove on in silence. when i got to the corner of fremont and harrison, i dropped my two passengers off as usual, wishing them a good day. the gentleman next to me got out, and wished me a good day. then he stopped before he closed the door, leaned down and said "don't worry too much about imaginary conversations. it's the sign of a creative mind."

me - slightly confused, smiling electrically, wanting to make up for my earlier faux pas and thinking i had misunderstood him, "oh...um, yeah, ok. thanks!!"

driving away, i tried to figure out what he meant. i chuckled a little, and gave up. then i glanced down at the notepad i keep on my dashboard, to record thoughts and mileage. Two days ago, I had written, "I waste so much energy on imaginary conversations."

OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH. While we were sitting there in silence, the whole ride, this gentleman had been looking around and had read my thought (jotted down just below a slogan i'd found funny from the monterey poultry company's truck - "poultry in motion"). and i don't know how long he'd been thinking about it. probably quite a while.

but it did make me feel better. i laughed on the rest of the drive to the office.

kick ass yoga in yosemite

2006-09-12T00:06:00.000-04:00

y'all. i went backpacking. y'know, where you strap it all (food, tent, clothes) to your back and hike to the middle of a beautiful nowhere and make it your somewhere. and do yoga there. that's what i did.

a while ago i signed up on a whim with a ucsf weekend trip - yoga in yosemite. a yoga teacher i know here in oakland was running the yoga part of it, so i thought i'd give it a try. previous experience? well....i'd been hiking before. mt. monadnock totally counts, right?

i was a little nervous, having come back from the sierra's on labor day with a splitting headache (altitude? stress? dehydration? allergies? dunno). but i went anyway, drinking the whole time and gaining a reputation for the most hydrated/likely-to-have-to-pee-at-any-given-moment. and it was great 12 other people, including 2 ucsf guides (who were very cool) and the yoga instructor (also, very cool) - we camped out on friday night, then hiked in to sunset lake in yosemite on sat morning (after a frigid morning yoga class at the campground). the hike was up, up and away in the hot, hot sun. but we took it easy, and everyone was pretty good company, so it went by quickly (either that or it's like childbirth - you forget the reality of the pain as soon as it's over -- "eh, giving birth wasn't *that* painful. really, it was beautiful.").

then we found a beautiful spot by the lake, camped out, and chowed down. some went swimming. oh, and we did some restorative yoga at DUSK on a LAKE in the middle of beautiful yosemite. it was HEAVEN. next day? breakfast, yoga, hang out, swim, lunch, pack up hike out.

really there's a lot more to write here but i'm exhausted. hopefully, i'll have some pictures soon...as soon as i send my cvs camera to mom, have her develop the pics, and then send them back to me. (there are no cvs's here, and no disposable digital cameras)

whew. what a refreshing weekend! ended with a serious moment of mangia at a pizza joint on the way home. fun.

let's hear it for labor day!

2006-09-05T17:04:00.000-04:00

i never realized how good i had it in the union until i got a job with full benefits......and no dental insurance. that's just how it works. no dental. i guess teeth just aren't that important. bummer.

things are generally pretty good. went to TWO baseball games last week. the one on friday night (both were at the a's coliseum in oakland) featured fireworks at the end ("and now, chevron presents, a fireworks spectacular tribute to the stars of motown!").

tooootally cheesy but i loved it. and sang along (with tristen and jess and dave). and bopped a little. they even played my favorite "i want you back" by the jackson five. sigh.

today i'm fighting the same headache i've had for three days. it's pretty awful. ugh. other than that, another sunny day in san francisco. what i wouldn't give for a crisp fall new england day!

premenstrual blues.

2006-08-28T22:05:00.000-04:00

well, it's that time of the month again. when i question everything i'm doing and where i'm living and with whom i choose to spend my time, and decide that it's all wrong, wrong, wrong, and that i should be on another path.

and then i calm down and remind myself that it's all one path, there isn't a right or wrong, and whatever i'm going through now is only another step leading me toward what's next. whatever that might be.

but sometimes i just want a house, a dog, and to be near the friends and family i love.

and yet i've made loads of choices that have led me in just the opposite direction. literally. the other day i decided that i should always be a little unsettled; a little off balance, because it keeps me growing and trying new things.

but it's so damn hard.

what is there left to say, except "!?"

crazy people.

2006-08-23T01:16:00.000-04:00

here's the thing about crazy people. i've seen them. every city has its weirdos. i lived in nyc for a summer in college and saw about all the crazy people i'll ever see. in cambridge, central square was the hangout. downtown boston, downtown crossing. and there was always that crazy "animal rights, sign the petition" lady at the porter square t stop.

here's the thing. in san francisco, crazy people are normal. they're integrated into the fabric of society. they're given *leadership* positions. they're nurtured and fostered and encouraged to be crazy, but in a normal daily life kind of context.

i work in art education, and we have our fair share of nutters. this conference i worked at on saturday turned up the usual suspects - youth, good-hearted youth workers, activists hungry for a change, and crazy people. crazy people who serve on arts boards in local communities, but carry all of their belongings with them at all times in one large backpack over a dirty puffy coat even though it's 70 degrees out, and who have sociopathic handwriting. crazy people who have jobs that involve molding young minds, and yet who show up at community forums to dominate the conversation with a rant about the bush administration. i sit at arts board meetings looking around, trying to catch someone's glance - "this is torture!" i'm saying with my eyes - "let's bust out of this nuthouse!" but no one gets it.

i know i sound like a jerk. and y'all know i can be impatient. but cut me some slack. i deal with CRAZY people all the time. and they're starting to get to me.

this email book thing is killing me.

2006-08-18T13:48:00.000-04:00

seriously. i can't stand it. getting little piddly bits of a story piece by piece and then having to wait for the next installment - and it's never satisfying. it's always about 2 emails long. i'm dying for this thing to pick up. fortunately, the main character just got a blackberry, so presumably she'll be emailing like a maniac from now on.

in other news, the conference i've been working on, making art, making change, is kicking off tonight with a party. i'm very excited/nervous. i've been working on this deal since i was poor and unemployed. and it's part of how i became poor and employed. wish us luck!

emailed books....are you kidding me?!

2006-08-13T23:40:00.000-04:00

sooooooo in the name of my book club, i've started something that i thought i would HATE. i mean. i thought i was 100% against it.

and then i learned that it....it's so eeeasy. we're doing an e-book. seriously. i am the LAST person who would like this. i read in bed. i mostly read in bed. i can't fall asleep without reading. i always have a book next to my bed. so why the hell would i want to sit in front of a computer (where i already live 40 hours out of the week) and read...for fun?!

well. because it's easy. and interesting. it's the lazy person's solution to book club.

my problems with book club were mainly based on laziness. i have to find out where to buy the book? i have to go out and get the book? i have to read on someone else's time schedule to finish by the next meeting? um......i'll start tomorrow.

only i never start tomorrow. and the time for the meeting comes and i've read a part of the book if any and prefer book club conversation about celebrities to the actual plot of the book i never read, but what if i do one day, so i have to insist that no one mention the ending.

how tedious.

but now, i've signed up for the Daughters of Freya - an e-book that costs 4.95, and arrives in installments in your inbox. as if you're cc'ed on the characters' emails. it's great - because the emails are relatively short, and you read them as they come, which is basically every time i check email, which is basically all the time.

and there's all this supplementary data - like, one character will mail another saying how she had a great lunch, and here's the picture i took of you at the restaurant, and you can click on a link and go to her picture. or you can go to her travel itinerary or you can go to fictional business websites.

the book's a mystery about a sex cult in marin cty. so, we've got sex, suspense and california. plus, it's cheap and easy. i'm not saying that this is how i would read forever, but it's pretty interesting for right now. though the fiction-reality blurring is a little disorienting. i like the installment bit, too. it's so dickensian.

Por-cu-pine!!!!

2006-08-08T00:10:00.000-04:00

If you're like me, you might occasionally ask yourself, "what is the most brilliant comedy routine ever?"

what, indeed?

well, the answer is here, and thanks to youtube, you can see it.

some of you who know me might think that i'm referring to "springtime for hitler". well, dancing nazis are pretty funny.

but let's be honest. PORCUPINE RACETRACK - a musical sketch by the folks at the state (a most brilliant comedy show on mtv in the 90s)- tops anything by mel brooks. YES. i said ANYTHING BY MEL BROOKS. i love the man, but this is funny stuff. especially if you are familiar with any musical theater cliches.

i still remember seeing it for the first time. our family was on vacation with our good friends the scarnecchias. tim (my bro) and i were staying up late with steve (the scarnecchia kid, one year older than me) watching tv. and behold. porcupine racetrack. a guysndolls-cum newsies-cum-my fair lady-cumanything with orphans and priests - cum black beauty with porcupines. it was brilliant. it was so brilliant, i was DROOLING at the end of the number. drooling, i was laughing so hard. my eyes were squeezed shut in watery laughter. my brother and i were practically falling out of our seats. and i looked over at steve, expecting him to be likewise amused. he sat there with a slightly puzzled look on his face and his jaw hanging half open. clearly, he was not exposed to musical theater at a young age.

but as you all know, the meles are steeped in the broadway tradition.

please watch and enjoy.

mes parents

2006-08-04T15:30:00.000-04:00

my parents are so darned cute. i know mom hates these pics because her eyes look too "squinty" but i think she looks adorable and happy and beautiful. sigh.

these are pics from their trip to grand manan island in nova scotia to visit old friends, the dufords. it's a small, rustic, windy island. but the landscape is pure raw beauty. it was also my dad's birthday! wish i could have been there!

the. best. concert. EVER.

2006-07-29T21:51:00.000-04:00

so. last night a few of my lady friends and i stepped out on the town to see Pink Martini, performing with the San Francisco Symphony Orchestra.

Hands down one of the best concerts I've ever seen.

they got a standing ovation at INTERMISSION. i made my usual dash for the bathroom at the end of the last song, and as i rounded the corner, down the stairs, and into the bathroom, i could still hear the crowd going wild in the theater above me. unbelievable.

the energy in there was unbelievable. people were cheering mid-song, at the end of every song. darn. i just can't describe it. i can only say, go see pink martini TODAY! www.pinkmartini.com

ps. mom- they'll be back in nov....maybe we can take in the show when you're in town?

aaalllll by myseeeeeeeelfffff......

2006-07-28T12:33:00.000-04:00

this is not a self-pitying post. seriously. went on a date last night with someone who really seems to like me and it made me reflect (note: picture at left of me and josh at molly and jorge's wedding is not really related, but i thought it made a good image of couplehood, while i'm on the subject). these things always happen when i'm just on the verge of being perfectly happy on my own - really happy with it. not having to check in with someone else about anything, not having to worry about what someone else will think. it's such a relief. and i enjoy myself. i think i'm pretty cool. and i love that i get to do the things that i want to do.

comes even the faintest sniff of a relationship and i get nervous. what? i have to be accountable to someone else? no way. eff that.

i guess it isn't being alone that was killing me. it was being lonely. now i just need to work on being the me i'm meant to be. without all the other people getting in the way. dating is fun, but it should NOT be part of my self-definition.

ok. just a few thoughts on a friday morning!

ps. i do have pics from leia's wedding (during which my hair style was veering dangerously close to newscaster territory), but they're either a) in hard copy or b) on the photographer's website, in which case i'd have to buy them - can't just copy and save. bummer. in the meantime. here are some from molly and jorge's wedding.

exhaustion and exercise

2006-07-19T14:00:00.000-04:00

back from my fourth and final trip east for the forseeable future. my best friend from high school, leia (and blogger on figure-this, where she chronicles her hilarious life in the classroom), is now married. (married? yes. married.)

i'll blog about that truly beautiful, fun, and exceptional wedding as soon as i get some PICTURES from those with digital cameras (mine, unfortunatley, is still out of commission). in the meantime, i have to tell you about this class i took yesterday at the gym.

(others haven't found this story too funny, but i think it's hilarious)

the instructor (named "gary") CLEARLY has Attention Deficit Disorder. as i was getting ready for the class (standing in one place, stretching, trying to wake up from a day at work), a red blur whizzed by my peripheral vision. he was running around the room - tapping the tape recorder, saying "hi" to regulars (and then running away), and throwing jumpropes on the floor at everyone's feet while the speakers screamed "i'm coming out". apparently, that was our warm up - jumping rope. during the entire class, he didn't speak but rather yelled in spurts that i could never really make out (they sounded like "WHOOP-WHUP!!") which, i guess means "switch sides" or "now do cartwheels" or "ok, stop".

occasionally, he yipped. "YIIIIIP-YEEE!!!"

while we were doing exercises, he started by demonstrating each exercise and then, because that clearly didn't constitute enough movement for him, he ran around the room - picking up props, putting others away, playfully trying to knock the balance balls out from under us, or pushing us a little to make us fall over, or adjusting our alignment, or playfully adding extra weight during an exercise.

at one point, he stopped to adjust my shoulder, and, feeling how tight it was, delivered some pressure to the knot and said "what is that?" then he handed me an extra weight and bounded off to another student across the room. that was the extent of our interaction.

even the class's music was totally ADD. there was no theme or rhythm or flow at all. no coordination of exercises to music. it was clearly something he put together thinking "OH! I LIKE THIS SONG! AND THIS SONG! WE SHOULD JUST ALL WORK OUT TO THESE SONGS BECAUSE I THINK THEY'RE GREAT! WHAT A TOTALLY AWESOME WORKOUT MIX! THESE SONGS ARE AWESOME!"

in the course of a one-hour class, we listened to:
Cake
U2
Keane
Various disco songs
G Love & Special Sauce

among other totally unrelated songs, artists, tempos and tunes.

how do people live with ADD? or live with people who have ADD? it's so exhausting!

it was perhaps the craziest exercise class i have ever taken. but, man, was it a good workout!

I am NOT knocked up.

2006-07-13T11:04:00.000-04:00

in response to a few emails and posts i've gotten since blogging about erin's baby (er-and posting the sonogram picture), i thought i'd clear this up.

I AM NOT PREGNANT. the sonogram below is of my friend erin's baby (yet to be named).

(good lord. can you imagine if i was and *this* was the way i told people? heheeh)

crazy, crazy changes.

2006-07-10T11:05:00.000-04:00

well. tomorrow night i flag the redeye home to boston for my best friend from high school's wedding. it's only now hitting me and i honestly can't believe it.

and as if that weren't enough, i got an email out of the blue from my dear high school friend erin. we reconnected at her wedding about two years (!!) ago. she's going to have a BABY!!!!! i'm stunned. all of these changes in other people's lives are just overwhelming me. YIKES. (that was meant to be an amusingly self-absorbed statement. but now that i read it, it just sounds self-absorbed. oops!)

obviously i'm happy and excited for both of them. it's just one of those moments when things move very quickly at once and you're left reeling.

reeeeeeeeeeeeeelllll.
erin's baby blog: http://weebabylee.livejournal.com.

pictures from my dearly departed camera

2006-07-01T13:55:00.000-04:00

i guess when you know good people, you can't help but have a wonderful time when they bring all of their friends together for a celebration. this wedding was almost like camp - we stayed in a big old inn, with little cabins and bikes and a pool and beach (admittedly nicer than my girlscout camp, but bear with me). the weekend started off with a lobstah-bake/rehearsal dinner. so, we all met each other - molly and jorge's friends from dartmouth, boston, connecticut, chicago, and elsewhere. then there was a beautiful slide show of both m and j as kids up to adulthood.

normally i HATE this stuff. but to be honest, this was really beautiful. they are such genuine, warm, generous people that an otherwise hokey slideshow became in fact a fun, funny, touching and tear-jerking group conversation about molly and jorge. (with a lot of help from jorge's friend who put together an incredibly synchronized visual/musical montage)

then there was a CAMPFIRE, S'MORES, and a HOTTUB (in which there were definitely some naked people...self not included. i always make it a point to take a bathing suit or two wherever i travel. you never know! this time i brought two. which meant that my friend liz cate and i were sometimes the only suited bodies in the tub).

then the next day, liz and i explored up to wiscasset, maine, to the local strawberry festival. the berries were fabulous. picked that morning in the driving rain, we ate them 3 hours later and had juicy dripping chins. yum. then to the town of boothbay, and then just enough time for a massage before the wedding.

the wedding. by this time, we were all pretty much good friends. and we were part (not just watching, but a part) of a beautiful ceremony that celebrated not only molly and jorge, but also their family and friends. because that's just the kind of people they are. everyone was a part of this. meg ansara read a piece she'd written about how molly and jorge build community and leadership just through their own relationship, and through their friendships with others.

i'll give you an example. i knew 5 people at the start of that wedding, besides the couple. i went to college AND geneva with two of them but we all knew molly and jorge through different ways (tufts, 2020 dems, high school). one of them i knew threw my work at harvard, and she met mj through a completely different activity. i didn't even know she'd be there! two of them i met directly through jorge (and 2020 dems). this is what i mean. they find good people and they bring good people together.

whew. after a beautiful wedding, and a beautiful best man speech by josh (not just funny, but also very touching), there was food and MUCH dancing. and THEN there was the "game room". which had CANDLEPIN BOWLING LANES (i fell in love with it). jesse foote had set up a craps game on the ping pong table. and everyone else was just hanging out. afterward, hot tub.

i've tried to summarize (poorly) how AWESOME this weekend was. i met some great people and had a great time. but most of all, i witnessed two best friends commit themselves to each other and to their community. and i feel so honored to have been a part of that.

why i haven't posted in a week

2006-06-29T11:53:00.000-04:00

after returning from a truly ideal weekend in maine for molly and jorge's wedding, and with excited anticipation about posting the pictures from a great time had by all, i promptly spilled the contents of my water bottle in my purse, killing both my ipod and my camera.

so now, musicless, i'm hoping i can save the pics i took by brining the memory card from my camera to a local photo shop. wish me luck!

puppets. and shakepeare.

2006-06-21T11:24:00.000-04:00

last night i had a fun little adventure. i went to the california shakespeare festival in orinda, ca - just over the hills from sf bay. the landscape over there is so different - it gets much, much hotter in the summer and the hills remind me alot of the south of france - dry, brown slopes with green spots of leafy bushes or trees here and there. it's very impressionistique, s'il vous plait.

ANYWAY, there's a cozy round outdoor theater in the wilds of orinda (right near the freeway, but you feel like you're in the middle of a forest!), and every summer they do a series of shakespeare productions. last night, i saw "the merry wives of windsor", featuring actors and...puppets.

yes, puppets. which i was initially really skeptical about. but to be honest, it was pretty funny. very, very cartoonish - with sound effects (like "boingggggg" and "splat"). and i didn't think it would work. but it did, due in large part to the actors dressed in black voicing the puppets and moving their little cloth limbs around. and i can honestly say that the actors and puppets (some characters were played by actors not in puppet costume) interacted together really well on stage. i can't pick my favorite, really - master ford was hilarious (nonpuppet), but the french doctor (actor+puppet), fenton (actor+puppet), and falstaff (also actor+puppet) were brilliant too.

the night was also gorgeous. clear as can be with an open sky of stars above us. no clouds to be seen. and we brought our own picnic to munch and there was a wine tasting (for free! free!) in the open picnic area outside the theater. i expected a huge ampitheater, but this was actually really comfortable and close - not a bad seat in the house, but still with the benefits of an outdoor theater (casual, comfy - you can bring beer, wine, food into the theater and gnosh while you watch). all in all, i'd highly recommend it. and they have a GREAT deal for the under 30 crowd. Check it out - http://www.calshakes.org.

MOM - if you're reading this and planning a trip to CA anytime soon, i'd love to take you!

ps. one thing i do love about living here - there's a wine tasting just about everywhere you go! reminds me of europe. yum.

this month, I...

2006-06-19T20:35:00.000-04:00

1) am continuing to realize that maybe my life will be completely transitional for at least a couple of years. and that i should chill out and enjoy the transience (thanks to liz applegate for her brilliant postcard from france).

2) have realized that i have been buying the same brown corderouy coat in various incarnations over and over again since i was five years old. the other day in a second hand shop in oakland, i almost did it again.

3) have been alternatively terribly homesick and sheepishly hopeful that everything will work out. and also determined to stay out of new england for at least a year. if not more. even though i miss the green! and the food! and so many other things i never thought i'd miss!

4) have been reminded over and over again how important my family is to me as the firm foundation of everything i am and everything i do.

5) remembered that i HATE commuting.

one more russian rivah pic

2006-06-18T14:39:00.000-04:00

jenn just sent this to me - here we all are at the end of a long, hot day of laziness. BLISS!